Now What???

I am being asked questions here lately about how should a person get sober? Church, rehab, on your own, and etc. How does a person stay sober? The only way I know how to explain this is, "Everyone who started using drugs, used drugs for different reasons. Recovery is the same way. Some might get more hope from church groups, some might get more help out of NA meetings. There are a lot of different options, you just have to research and TRY THEM ALL." I go to my church groups and attend NA.
I realize there are a lot of ways to get clean, but many struggle with the "Now what?" Now that I'm sober, I have completely cut all ties with the 'old friends', and Im left here in my home with no ride, no money, and in complete isolation. Which in case you don't know, isolation is the main, huge, red flag of a relapse. So, "Now what?"

Now that I have disappointed my family, lost trust of my whole community, not allowed to be alone with my own children, have no friends, no car to get around, and no money to do retail therapy. I am this lonely broken soul who is faced with my vulnerabilities, without any encouraging words, only those "you knew better". Being surrounded by those who don't understand our struggles, can be discouraging at times. Even though we know we don't cope with life's obstacles the same way as others, we are learning. It's always reassuring when we are around other recovering addicts, it gives us the hope of possibilities. It's nice to hear that they understand us, and shows/tells us ways to get over our struggles. 

No one should tell you all you need is N.A. No one should tell all you need is church. When I was first in my recovery I had a lot of anger towards God. Going to church and hearing all the good he does was not what I had in mind. I went to Narcotics Anonymous, working the steps is what got me to start working on my relationship with my God. Now I go to my church meetings that is full of people just like me. People who made mistakes, but work on bettering themselves and their relationship with God. This support group "Redeemed Ministries" are my family. I can call on them and they answer with an open ear, and if needed a shoulder to cry on. They don't judge me for my past, they don't judge me for my daily struggles. They accept me with open arms and encouraging words. I love them all.

Narcotics Anonymous is a group of recovering addicts who talk and study the Twelve Steps. This group brings awareness to a lot of different things. Recently, I learned how to become aware of my thinking. Realizing my ways that got me started in my downward spiral. 

So finding a support group is critical. Cutting ties with all of those who still use is esp. important. So if you don't know what will help you, then I will say, "Try it all. Any support is better than none at all. Just stay away from the drugs, or else you will have to start all that hard work back over again. That is if you make it." I know that sounds harsh, but I'm just being real with you.
Wednesday nights there is a Support Group at Easley Baptist church at 6:00. Everyone and anyone is invited.

Love,

Mary Beth

Supermomma

Do you ever have them days when you ask God, "Are you there, God?" And sometimes it's so hard to hear him amongst the kids screaming, TV blaring, dishwasher washing, washing machine spinning, vacuum going, and the roaring of life itself. You wonder is he in the details.

The saying if it's not one thing going wrong it's everything. That seemed liked my life at once. I can remembers my youngest sleeping like champ, but then my three year old would be up all hours of the night. Then vice versa. I felt as though they had planned it. It was so hard. There I was little to no sleep, dishes piled throughout the house, laundry overflowing all the hampers, and there is always a diaper that needs changed. It never failed there was always some mom out there who had it all figured out, too, leaving you feeling like you are more of a failure. I used to paint and upcycle, but those days were exchanged with full time laundry duty, and because of this I felt guilty for my feelings of resentment.

I can remember wondering if anybody else felt like this or would understand. There were many nights I would secretly cry in the laundry room, then there standing there realizing the daunting thought of this endless laundry task would just overwhelm me even more. Needing that encouraging call from a friend was heavily needed, but during those times were when the phone would never ring. Or if you are anything like me and my kids, I easily misplaced my phone sometimes with a little bit of there help from them hiding it from me.

I will be the first to admit that I have failed at being a friend. I felt as though friendships were just another thing to manage on my already full plate- sometimes overflowing. So I chose to forfeit this extra type of relationship, so that I could better focus on my chore list. It wasn't until I was in rehab that I realized this time management method back-fired on me, and realized I put myself in isolation mode.

So if you ever feel overwhelmed, burnt-out, and lonely. Let me assure you there is hope. I know because, I have been that mom. Take time out for yourself, I know it's a headache getting kids ready, packed, then peel them off of you when you drop them off. By the time you get back home you just want to clean or sleep, but I assure you- you deserve a break, go out- your chores will be there when you get back. Not only do you need to get out but get away from your house or it begins to be a prison for you.

I know as a mom life gets hard and our job is never done. If you are a stay at home mom get a support system. Don't be embarrassed to ask for help. I never did, I thought I was the mom it's my job. Parenting is a two person job, but I know their are many of us out there who don't have that other half, or don't have family close by. Trust me I know how hard this job is. But we need to remember our kids are our blessings, pray, pray, and pray, and ask for help it doesn't make you any weaker or any less of a mother. Getting my break has made me so much better of a mother. God bless you moms, I lift everyone of you up in my prayers every night. 

This world is so loud

This world is so loud.

A lot of our problems is that we think we are smarter than what we are. People talking to family members, trying to figure out what drug their sibling is on. What relations a student and teacher were having. What couple is divorcing and what their problems were. Who someone is hanging out with and why. Who got fired from a job and why. Who is facebooking who. Or why someone isn't at their home. I hear so many times it is because they are worried or they were trying to help, but can we get real people? 

Does it really matter what drug it is? Show them some love and hold their hand worry about their broken spirit, because I promise they are holding in a lot of pain. Instead of talking to others just stop. I know you want to help, I understand but them trusting you is the most important thing, because if they can't well then they definitely can't confide in you.

Teacher and student relations are wrong and guess what- that's no new information.  They know that it's wrong, but when you tell a white lie you know it's wrong to lie. You might say there's a lot of a difference, but let me remind you there's not in Gods eyes. 

If a couple is divorcing, don't you think that would be the time we should respect that family as a whole? You might know their problems but that gives you no room to blab it through the county. Hint THEIR MARRIAGE not yours. If there are kids involved, you should be ashamed of yourself!!

People have different personalities and it's ok if a new friendship is brewing. Friendships are kind and wonderful.

Someone may not be at their home (for example me) because memories are painful. Or could be because they know they will be lonely.

We never know the truth because many of us don't even tell the ones we love our own problems we bottle it up inside embarrassed or scared... and they say there are two sides to every story, but why?? Why must we know? Why do we speak of others like its our concern? Why must we cast stones? We speak of each other and then when we face them it's a, "how are you?" When you really don't care. I feel like the problem with the world is- with failures comes smiles. Many times we are speaking over our enemies just to try to speak to our friends.

This world is so loud. Remember if we would just shut the heck up, we are giving someone else an opportunity to ask for help.

Learned Lessons of Recovery

Many people say they already had the ability to do all these things, but a lot of people aren't true to themselves. I can honestly say I learned:

• How to love and be loved
• How to live
• How to forgive and be forgiven
• What true compassion is
• Sympathy
• True intimacy
• How to ask for help
• How to speak about my emotions
• How to stand up and stand out
• How to hold on and to let go
• How to find positive when it's negative
• To breathe
• To sleep
• To hurt
• To recover 
• To regain
• How to start all over
• How to be happy
• How to accept myself
• How to say goodbye
• How to appreciate
• How to be honest
• How to surrender
• How to get my priorities right
• How to accept my higher power and don't doubt him