Marriage

How do you know he/she is the one? Will our marriage last? Is this the same person I married? Should I keep fighting for our marriage? What is love? Seasons change, mountains appear, the tides get stronger, and nothing stays the same. Love has a part in marriage, but I have learned ACCEPTANCE is a huge part of a lasting love.
Love is about not giving up. We all make mistakes, but love is when that person helps you back up and doesnt walk out on you. I can admit I am not the same woman my husband married years ago and he isn't the same man I married. As one of my friends said, "I'm not the same girl as I was yesterday." How true is that? I thank God for that, because without struggles our love wouldn't grow and become stronger. I can look at my husband with new eyes and a better heart. When I lied to him, I failed at being a wife. Even though I failed and screwed up, he never left me, he didn't abandon me when he was told to leave me. To me that is a lasting love. In recovery from addiction I changed. I changed a lot. Change is good when you are bettering yourself. Make sure you find that partner who is ready for those heartaches and heartbreaking changes, that partner who will hold out their hand to help you back up when you fall or breakdown- and not kick you or turn their back on you.
I am grateful for my husband. He has wiped my tears in the middle of the night, he loved me when life was ugly, he loved me when I hated myself. He accepts me even though I'm not the same woman he married. People change; love changes.

I can admit that:
I loved my husband, when I didn't love myself. My husband loves me because he accepts me for who I am today and who I will possibly become tomorrow.
Acceptance.
Thank you Christopher!!
Love,
Mary Beth

This world is so loud

This world is so loud.

A lot of our problems is that we think we are smarter than what we are. People talking to family members, trying to figure out what drug their sibling is on. What relations a student and teacher were having. What couple is divorcing and what their problems were. Who someone is hanging out with and why. Who got fired from a job and why. Who is facebooking who. Or why someone isn't at their home. I hear so many times it is because they are worried or they were trying to help, but can we get real people? 

Does it really matter what drug it is? Show them some love and hold their hand worry about their broken spirit, because I promise they are holding in a lot of pain. Instead of talking to others just stop. I know you want to help, I understand but them trusting you is the most important thing, because if they can't well then they definitely can't confide in you.

Teacher and student relations are wrong and guess what- that's no new information.  They know that it's wrong, but when you tell a white lie you know it's wrong to lie. You might say there's a lot of a difference, but let me remind you there's not in Gods eyes. 

If a couple is divorcing, don't you think that would be the time we should respect that family as a whole? You might know their problems but that gives you no room to blab it through the county. Hint THEIR MARRIAGE not yours. If there are kids involved, you should be ashamed of yourself!!

People have different personalities and it's ok if a new friendship is brewing. Friendships are kind and wonderful.

Someone may not be at their home (for example me) because memories are painful. Or could be because they know they will be lonely.

We never know the truth because many of us don't even tell the ones we love our own problems we bottle it up inside embarrassed or scared... and they say there are two sides to every story, but why?? Why must we know? Why do we speak of others like its our concern? Why must we cast stones? We speak of each other and then when we face them it's a, "how are you?" When you really don't care. I feel like the problem with the world is- with failures comes smiles. Many times we are speaking over our enemies just to try to speak to our friends.

This world is so loud. Remember if we would just shut the heck up, we are giving someone else an opportunity to ask for help.

Alone with No Manual

If you can imagine a frazzled woman holding a baby, a toddler pulling on her loose fitted shirt, hair once was in a ponytail that is loosely falling down, and dark circles under her eyes.... That is how I felt and pretty sure appeared more times than I can count. I was at home with two babies pulling me in multiple directions, clinging to me, suffocating me, needing me, demanding me, crying to me, hitting me, wanting me, not liking me, asking me why their daddy is not home, and/or can we go to daddy's home!!! There would be times that I would go for days without showering.

You see I'm not the person who asks for help, because people have their own lives to live and their own problems to deal with. I felt as though I had to manage on my own because that's what moms are suppose to do. When I would vent to some people they would grin and sometimes even giggle and say I know I had three or that's what happens when you have kids- so in my head I'm Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, I want to scream out of anger, "no, no, NO!!! You don't know every cry out I have to tend to, every single need I have to make, ALONE!!! BY MYSELF!! NO PARTNER! No tag, your turn, no helping hand, no when your father got home- ME ALONE!

You know I never received a warning, a manual, or notice on how many needs a child has. Many joke of that but at the time I was serious. For all you single mothers and single fathers my hands applaud you ladies and gents, "God bless you". I mean yeah I am married, but at my lowest I felt like I married to be alone. I knew my husband was doing his part and working to pay our bills. It's just when you are stuck in a rut and sick without even knowing it, it's kind of mind blowing on the thoughts that the devil/disease can put through your head and just how flipping hard you are on yourself.

Reasoning for blog & a lil About Me

I am a 29 year old woman, mother of two boys, a sister to two older siblings, and married to my high school sweetheart. I have decided to blog about my journey of recovery from addiction. Some addicts say it's a part of their life that they are not proud of and would much rather lock it up in a closet. Me, on the other hand, am willing to speak about those days because if it wasn't for those skeletons I would not be the person I am today.... Sober and back in school. As my favorite talk host (Steve Harvey) has said,"My failures have gotten me closer to my goals." I realize not only my disappointments but my families disappointments has opened my eyes to the mother, wife, sister, and daughter I want/need to be. Obviously I've never been perfect, nor am I ever going to be. I am willing to share my imperfections with others and just maybe someone could learn from my mistakes or better yet help me embrace my own.