Friday, January 26, 2018

Family

Family. When we are active in our addiction, our families are the first ones we burn. They are face to face with their child/mother/father/sister/brother who they no longer recognize. They lose sleep trying not to hear the voices about the what ifs.... what if they overdose, what if they go to jail, what if they get into an accident and cause harm to others, what if the dealer harms them, what if children are hurt? We burn them with the lies, and the things we stole. We rob them of their peace, and leave them with fear and heartache.
It took me a long time to realize how severe I burned my family. I went into rehab and came home knowing I had changed my ways, but my family was still trying to heal a wound with no help. I couldn't understand why they carried so much doubt and questioned all that I said/say. It hurt me.... can they not see I have changed? But wait..... how could I be so blind? Who hurt you, who caused you so much pain, and who has mistreated you so badly that you question yourself? Me. The addict. What a mess I have made.
I'm sorry helps, but it doesn't take away the pain. Time heals all wounds, but it doesn't help with the scars. Recovery takes time and a lot of work, and our relationships are the same. There is no quick fix. There is no cure, but there is hope.
4 things to my family that you need to know:
1.) My addiction was not anything you done wrong. It was me.
2.) My addiction did not change my love for my family. I love you.
3.) Nothing you can do can cure my addiction. It's my responsibility.
4.) I'm sorry I caused you so much pain. I was sick.

No comments:

Post a Comment