4 years

4 years of soberness. Lol. I am living what I once thought was impossible. I am waking up with a full day ahead and not using one mind or mood altering substance. That alone is incredible to an "ole meth head" like me. I am able to have weak moments or bad days as long as I dont use. One day at a time. I have found my peoples whom I can call no matter the time and they answer, they care, they help me, and call me out on my bullshit.
4 years of fixing, figuring, working, and believing. Fixing that stinking thinking. Having to get out of my head and my selfish ways. Figuring out how to live this new way of life. Remembering recovery is NOT PERFECTION but ONLY PROGRESS. Reminding myself when my past is brought up that I am not that same broken girl. I once was a mess that is now a message. Constantly working on becoming a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, christian, and etc. I fail daily but I had to learn to stop beating myself up over my mistakes. Learn from them. Believing that I am worthy and my higher power is capable. It is very hard for me to reach my goals and live out my dreams..... not because they are hard, but because I feel like I like I am not deserving of good things. Crazy, huh? I know what I have done and who I once was. The one thing I succeeded in was failure and getting high. Looking at where I am today in my life scares me. I think to myself, "Ok Mary Beth when are you going to screw this up?" I have to stop and remind myself to rely on God. Believing I am worthy.
4 years later and here I am as the Executive Director of HER Recovery. A sober living facility for women who have suffered from Substance Abuse. My heart is full and I have finally figured out what my purpose is. For so long I drifted through my days being miserable and hopeless. Today, I have a fire within me that drives me forward every morning. I lost a lot of friends, but I have gained a family that will never be replaced. I found my voice. I can focus on my blessings and not my regrets. I am me and I like me. Life is not perfect and I am ok with that. Some of my circumstances in life are the same I just learned how to react differently. 4 years of new possibilities. 4 years of my life that I am proud of. 4 years of living my dream. 4 years of true happiness. 4 years of love. 4 years of growing. 4 years of pushing forward. 4 years of being ok with emotions. 4 years that I will celebrate. 4 years of sobriety.