Friday, December 19, 2014

The Sweetness of my Past

I get reminded everyday of my past by people, by things, and by my own thoughts. I could take this two ways. I could get upset, mad, and be hard on myself. It would be so easy for me to resent my past, and doubt myself as a mother, a wife, a sister, and/or a daughter. It would be so easy for me to say,"Well I already screwed up." Or I could learn from my mistakes and prove not only to myself but to others that people can change. God doesn't give up on us, so it's important that we don't give up on ourselves.
Being a recovering addict is kind of like an untrustworthy marriage, but imagine not trusting yourself. As many times a thought goes through your head wondering about your spouse, the temptation, or the possible thought they might be having. An addict not only have these worries and thoughts about themselves, but sometimes it feels as though everyone around us is waiting for us to stumble and fall. I feel like at times the things around me are setting me up for failure. We have to remember these thoughts are not healthy. Pray.
Instead of focusing on our negatives of our past, its very important we focus on our positive outlook, and the things God works for us. So many times we blame God for our trials or we can't understand His purpose, but so many times he proves to us how weak our faith is in him. I could have died from the drugs, I was never promised today. I could have went to jail, I could have lost my husband, my kids, and my family. I could have been so wrapped up in my wrongs that I wouldn't have seen or enjoyed recovery and life being sober. So many things could have went much worse, but they didn't. I don't want to say it was luck, because I know it was my Heavenly Father working through me and for me.I now have much stronger faith in my God, because he didn't let me down. I put myself there. It wasn't until I surrendered and asked for his help; that I see the sweetness of my past. To be able to stand in life at the speed of full throttle- breathe in, look up, and remember we are strong only through him.
So when someone reminds you of your past and your struggles, it is time for us to look up and thank our Heavenly Father for getting us through that hardship, struggle, and suffering trial. I owe my sobriety to him first, and then my family.