Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Just a glimpse

I can remember the times we use to have, even though you can't. I remember the bond we had, even though you can't. I get so excited on the days you remember my name, even realizing you will forget once I leave.
When I look into your eyes I can see exactly how confused you are, and to be honest it hurts my heart. I know you get aggitated and quiet frankly pissed off, because these people won't let you go home- to your old home. You have always been a woman to speak her mind, but not the outbursts you are having now. Life just isn't fair.
At times I feel like the woman I knew is still in there. At other times I feel like I need to tell her goodbye. How weird would it be to tell someone you love goodbye and you love them even though they are physically still here on earth? Is it ok? Will I only see glimpses of her?
I dred the day you don't know who I am? I know it's coming, but it is going to break my heart. So for now I hold onto that dredful fear, and still lay with you in bed and remind you of your family. Some may think this is crazy, some might kind of understand, others will get it. I worked in a nursng home for several years, but nothing can truly prepare you for experiencing your loved one with dementia.
Dementia- is a long, very long, process of someone letting go of who they once were, and drifting into someone who doesn't understand anything.
BUT no matter what you still hold a special place in my heart and you will always remain MY HERO that I get to call "Maw Maw".