Thursday, December 4, 2014


I have realized that there is a lot of my story untold. I have had a lot of people ask me if I thought rehab would work on someone who is not willing to go. I want to point out, I did not go into rehab willingly, because I wasn't an addict. Yes, I was doing drugs, but I didn't have a problem with them- I thought.
When you go into rehab, you go straight into detox (detox- a process or period of time in which one abstains from or rids the body of toxic or unhealthy substances). The nurse was taking my vitals and asking me questions that I had just recently answered. "Are you homicidal? Are you suicidal? Are you withdrawing? Craving? Are you hurting anywhere? And if so on a scale 1-10? When did you sleep last? How many hours did you sleep? What is in your system? What is your D.O.C. (D.O.C.- drug of choice)? When did you start that drug? How often?" I got asked those same questions I know six times and then on top of that they ask you four times a day everyday you spend in detox. I'm not sure what made me realize I do have a problem and "I am an addict." It could have been me constantly answering the questions or maybe it was because I was physically and emotionally drained, but it didn't register until my third day there. I'm not going to sit here and say,"it's a breeze because it hurts!!" I had body aches all over, I figured it was from the tabs (ewwww woooo they aren't worth the addiction). I can remember feeling every muscle and every joint ache and throb. I still consider myself very lucky, because just by my observation there were some that shaked, sweat, vomit- and out the other end, some were ranting and raving, kicking and screaming, threatening and crying, and God bless their souls some who died.
You go to bed at 8:00 or so-that is if you even decide to go to bed. Then up every morning at 5:00AM for vitals and meds... Of course I had dr and psychiatrists visits and if you are anything like me you become quiet acquainted with the smoking area. I can remember crying a lot, a whole lot- mainly because I failed as a mother, as a wife, a daughter, sister, friend, etc. I failed myself. I was ashamed of myself, resented myself, questioned God. 
I met some amazing people that I will never forget. People there that made an impact on my life and they didn't even realize it. It wasn't until my second day there that I was introduced to my family.