Sunday, September 13, 2015

A YEAR

Let me start out with, I am a small town kinda gal. I live in a town with approximately 1,500 people, give or take. Everybody knows everybody and their business. It was a shock to my little town when they found out I was addicted to crystal meth. It's still a shock to myself. I never imagined me being a drug addict, but who does? I choose to speak out about my past and not hide it in my closet, so others can learn and others know they aren't alone.
Being 29 years old, a mother to two little boys, and husband working out of state; I felt overwhelmed, and experienced a loneliness that I could never put into words. I had many friends and family members, but couldnt express to them how sick I truly was or if I tried it seemed as though they couldn't understand the severity of it all. Turning to a drug to try and help me was a mistake. As my life continued to fall apart, but at a lot faster speed; I hit rock bottom. Going into rehab was no choice for me. Rehab got me sober, but when you leave there we are put right back where we started. I got my heart right with my Lord, and decided it was time to change. Many family members were hesitant, but I don't blame them. My recovery is up to me, and I'm the only one who is responsible for it. I fought the battle against the devil. Some may say I lost, but I see it as I'm defeating him everyday I live sober. Recovery is a lot of change, faith, and careful of your surroundings.
A year ago I found out that addiction doesn't have a type. Addiction will not only tear apart a family but a person. So I say this with joy....
Here is to a year where I found my Lord, I found myself, I picked myself up and rather put my pieces back together i started anew, I have realized I lost many friends but gained sooo many more, my family may not celebrate my recovery birthday but they are proud, I realized it's ok to cry, I found a new path that looks soo much brighter, I realize I love myself again. One year ago I had to face the fact that I was sick, I was took away from my family to get better. If I could go back I know I wouldn't want to be an addict but I honestly don't think I want to change that. SHOCKING, I know. If it weren't for my mistakes I wouldn't be the girl I am today, human. But a much happier human that can smile without frowning on the inside. I'm proud to be able to hold out my hand and actually help those fallen back up. Just to share my story and have those family members facebook me and ask me heart to heart questions about my addiction, if we don't explain no one will ever get it.
So here is to many more years.
It's been great and worth it!!
Love,
Mary Beth